Blog #1: Stepping Into the Classroom...

Caitlyn Hamrick

August 23, 2024

   Overall Experience (1-5): 2.5

• Observe: What pleasant surprises / accomplishments did I achieve this week?

Some of the pleasant surprise of accomplishments that I achieved this week would honestly be pushing through when feeling exhausted and defeated. I loved getting to meet and interact with my new students. Any positive experiences I have with them and a chance to see them make the connection absolutely makes my day, but after a few days of late nights until midnight or later and early mornings that start at the minimum, at 6 am, I was feeling like I was reaching a breaking point. I felt like a zombie on Monday and a frustrated with the lack of things that I had completed so far that I knew were coming for the semester. I remember on Friday, I wanted to go ahead and prepare for my first take over, centers, and I revealed honestly to my CE that I did not feel ready, and ut hit me hard. We tried talking it out, and she noticed my stress and discomfort no matter how hard I tried to hide it. She checked on me that weekend multiple times, including if I was getting the sleep I needed. She comforted me with her own overwhelming and scary experiences in her teaching career, and this was a highlight that showed me that she had my back and was going to support me within her bounds as much as she could, even if it was simply offering words of encouragement sometimes. There are two things has told me during my breakdowns and overwhelming moments that I think will become my mottos for the semester: first is "You're not crazy, you're a teacher!" and the second one is "As Dory from Finding Nemo says, "Just keep swimming!".

    One accomplishment that I will brag on is that I have one student who has a hard time focusing, sitting still, and following directions in general, no matter how often they are given. On either the second day of school, she cried to me, "Can you please call my mom? I want to go home!" I asked why, and she said that she keeps on getting in trouble. I asked her, "What is it that keeps getting you in trouble?" She shrugged her shoulders, showing that she did not know. I told her to just pay close attention to what she is doing and what the teacher is saying when she gets called down, and try to not repeat those behaviors or talk to the teacher about what can be done to help her avoid doing that. I explained that the teacher calling her down for doing something is not meant to be mean or hurt her, but it is meant to help her, protect her, and protect those around her as well. She nodded her head with her tear stained face, and she gave me a hug and went and cleaned her face. Ever since that moment, she seems to have bonded to me very strongly.

• Reflect: What lessons did my work/experiences teach me that I will build upon next week?

Lessons that my work and experience teaching that I will build upon the next week is establishing a routine that limits late nights as much as I can, and help me to prioritize accomplishing daily goals and keep from pushing them to the next day. Also, I have learned STOP OVERTHINKING. I spend the majority of my time changing lessons over and over because there is one part of it that does not satisfy me, and then I end up not being able to remember what I have evene planned and keep up with my changes. If I could complete my lesson plans, and believe in them with confidence, it would reduce the time I spend completing work. I pay close attention to the small details, that some times I miss the big picture, and that is going to be one of my goals for the semester.

• Focus:  How are my short-term efforts and my long-term goals still aligned?

My short term efforts and my long term goals are still aligned because everyday I spend excessive amount of time trying to accomplish small little goals everyday to accomplish my big goal. My big goals would be becoming comfortable in the position of leader of the classroom, growing my skills for planning and assessing at a rapid and consistent pace, and maintaining stability along the way. One could say that my goal is to find a way to LOVE teaching because the pace and responsibility of the profession is overwhelming, and being someone that overthinks and cannot stand to be ahead or feel unprepared for the next day, it is an EXTREMELY HARD challenge to overcome. I make to do lists such as, write one lesson plan a night right now, and make complete one of my many tasks to prep for teaching my edTPA, and to make sure I am maintiaining sleep. These all are aligned with teaching myself to maintain myself and acclimate to the responsibilities and life of a teacher so that I can believe in myself and my childhood dream can be happy reality.

• Be Productive: What could I have spent more or less time doing?

I could have spent less time watching tv. I have found that I tend to do this whenever I feel overwhelmed and exhausted, but it does end up hurting me more than helping me. I often time try to work on assignments simultaneously while watching something in the background to get a little bit of relaxing time and productivity at once, but sometimes it limits my focus and causes me to miss common mistakes or to design something I disapprove of later. I think that I could have completed a larger number of lesson plans than I have for my upcoming take overs and completing unfinidhed tasks for Task 1 of edTPA, but I usually, instead of make progress forwards in my work, I look at my previous work, dislike it, and back track until I end farther behing than where I started with a new plan to remember to abide by the next time I work on the task.

• Have Courage:  How did apprehension and indecision impact what I did and didn’t do?

Apprehension and indecision DEFINITELY impacted what I did because everything I make, I see as not good enough. I change it repeatedly, and I do not want to submit it to anyone for fear of it not being good, and then I lose the opportunity to improve it because I would not show it to them, or I do not show it until the last minute because I spent so much time changing it, until there is not time to use their feedback. Every lesson plan I make, I always hit at leat one, usually multiple walls, where I cannot decide what the best way to instruct is, the best activity is, etc. I think I always have the hardest time with the opening and the closing, and I also overthink my assessments.

• Begin Anew: What is the first logical step(s) for next week? What mental clutter can I clear? 

The first logical step for next week is to complete my lesson plans for next week and organize them so that I have a fresh and organized start when Monday comes so the mess that I am sorting threw now does not bury me with the giant challenges that I will face with the craziness of next week. I need to prioritize checking the NECESSARY boxes, do not waste time on the unnecessary tasks, and catch up a little on sleep.

• What were some data you analyzed this week and how did it help guide your decisions?

I analyzed the students' performance on math assessments this week and their favorite engagement strategies to help guide writing my lesson plans for taking over math instruction and teaching a math center next week. I also made a spreadhseet with the students' names in it, and I titled the columns as math, reading, and behavior performance, and this allowed me to take notes on the strengths and weaknesses that they displayed in all three of these categrories to know which areas the students need intervention, which students can support the weaker students in that area, or be an example. Also I could research ideas for and strategies for managing them. I also learned that the vast majority of my students, with maybe the exception of one or two prefer math, and this is good and bad. It will make teaching math fun, but it will make reading that much harderm and it is a huge transition for their reading skills with comprehension during 3rd grade. Having an interest in it is going to play a big part in a student's ability to comprehend a text because the students will withdraw and not focus on what they are reading.

• NC Professional Teaching Standards (be sure to reference activities from your lesson plans to solidify your answer.

Standard #1: Teachers Lead in the Classroom 

One element of standard one, "Teachers lead in the classroom" is take responsibility for all students' learning, and I did this first by making a spreadsheet of all the students with columns to record their strengths and weaknesses for math, reading, and behavior so that I could get an idea of what all the students are struggling and what all students are strong in. I have one student that has needs that I am trying so hard to determine the best way to reach him because trying to reach him makes him shut down, but also ignoring him does not solve the issue or help him learn, and everyday, I try to watch him closely to see what motivates him and what pulls him back so I can find the best way to make him believe in himself in the classroom. I try to always encourage him, celebrate the little victories he makes to give him as much positive recognition as possible, and when he shuts down, I try to get him going by tell him that he is growing up and he will be able to do it, but he has to try. I have learned that whenever he majorly shuts down, it is best to leave him be but let him know that I know he is there and welcome to join back in when he is ready. My CE suggested that later we pull him aside and enforce the punishment for the behavior after he has come out of it so that he is not being rewarded or getting away with unacceptable behavior.

Standard #2: Extablish a Respectful Environment for a Diverse Population of Students 

For establishing a respectful environment for a diverse population of students, one element is to treat each student as an individual. I made an effort to memorize all of my students' names within the firt two days of school. When I see my students, I call them by name to let them know that I know their name, see them as an individual not another student in the class, and I always thank the students for their manners and call them "sir" and ma'm." Whenever they try to share things about themselves, I try my best to let them have a moment to share to show them that I want to get to know them. One thing I always prioritize is greeting every student by name at the classroom door. I think that this is the best way to establish a positive and respectful environment for the day to let the students know I see you and I am happy that you are here.

Standard #3: Teachers Know the Content They Teach 

For the third standard, teachers know the content they teach, one element of that is knowing the content beyond the subject being taught. I try to analyze the obejectives and the content of every lesson that I am given so that I can think about what I know about these students and what they will respond to, and whenver I can, I try to relate it to their lives. One of my favorite is connecting the math vocabulary word in one of my lesson plans, relating rows and columns to movie theater seats and columns on a house and asking the students if they have columns on their own homes. I thought that this was so simple, but getting students a chance to say "This is me!" excites them so much and draws them in.

Standard #4: Facillitate Learning 

For teacher's facillitate learning for their students, one of the elements is helping the students to get logged into their computers and teach them how to operate their school computers independently to complete online learning activities. I taught so many students how to use the "shift" key when typing in their password. I also worked torwards getting set up with a county email, getting a submac, and getting setup with classlinks, which was a struggle bus, but the curriculum and technology coordinater, and the principal helped me so much. As hard as it was getting these problems figured out, I am close to being set up ti facillitate my own online activities for the students to facillitate an online generation of students.

Standard #5: Reflect on Teaching 

For stanard five, teachers reflect on their practice, I did this by attending I would say least 2 professional developments so far this semester and there are definitely more to come. I attended one training on how to teach Wit and Wisdom effectively and which parts to priorititize during time constraints, and I also attended a training on how to teach and use the new tools for teaching the knew phonics curriculum through Reading Horizons. It is new for both my CE and myself, so we are learning together, which is exciting and scary all at the same time!

•  Other:

• What components of your portfolio have you started to complete?

The componenets of my portfolio that I have started to complete would be designing my classroom website and I also captured some shots in the classroom of my students working on an online activity, and me helping my students to get access to this activity and the process they need to go through to get there. I thought that this moment was a great moment to capture that could later be used for editting together my philosophy video.

• What support does your clinical educator need from your University Supervisor?

I think the greatest support that my clinical educator could receive from my university supervisor is really explaining the ins and outs of the assignments for my student teaching, the expectatons, and especially edTPA because the student teaching experience is completely different from her experience student teaching many years ago, so her knowledge is limited to the limited amount that I can explain to her, and can be fuzzy even after I try to explain. Also, one of the other teachers onmy grade team completed edTPA and she has been helping to explain edTPA to my CE, and she has been e,pathetic to the stress of completing edTPA on top of the many other assignments for student teaching, and planning lessons as well.

• What support do you need from your University Supervisor?

I just need my University Supervisor to understand than I am a student that gives my all into everything. I work to my breaking point and even try to work past it to try to be the best I can be, and I am most definitely my biggest critic! My health condition can me limiting, and I need some support and understanding that the workload is exhausting and I am trying to figureout how to complete the demands of the class with such limited work hours, and still get to bed at a decent enough hour that I do not put myself in danger. I work my hardest to succeed and I want to succeed very much, but my confidence and belief in myself is shaky, so I am constantly fighting a feeling of defeat right now. I am definitely my biggest enemy though because I love my school, I love my students, and I love my clinical educator!